I just want to go back to sleep and actually get some rest.
Oh wait, I’m terrified of that, nevermind.
I shaking, I can’t stop crying, and I’m not okay.
Everything reminds me of him. I hate this so much. He said he needed a couple of days to think about it but it feels like his mind is made up.
It’s not fair. The only reason this is a fucking problem is because I’m not there.
I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much. Everything reminds me of him—songs, pictures, games, scents, souvenirs, everything. I can’t stop thinking about him being with her and showing her everything he showed me. I can’t sleep at night without having some sort of horrible dream and I’m just so shaken up.
I’m just not okay right now. I feel so alone.
Just tell yourself you’re going to keep fighting. That’s all you have right now.
I haven’t slept all night so now I’m in that weird stage of exhaustion where I really just want to curl up in someone’s arms and have silent bonding with him.
There’s not many people who can make silence in a situation like this not awkward. I can think of one, but I’m way too shy to ask him, even for this. Plus, I highly doubt he’s free to take a nap at fucking noon.
I’ve been lied to too much, on such an unheard of scale, my whole life for me to accept simple truths. And that is how I’m broken.
This goes so much deeper than just Matt, fuck. At this point, I don’t know if I have anyone I could go to that wouldn’t require me going through my whole freaking life story just for it to make sense.
It blows my mind that after all this time you’ve spent on earth, nobody ever bothered to tell you that your eyes aren’t fucking brown.
They are copper against honey and sage and when they water they glow, two perfect orbs the same shade as nature after it rains.
You’re not as simple as they wanted you to be.